Alright so in lieu of my regular crap i’m instead going to “pimp my shit”.
So, there is this computer game. It’s called Get Rich or Die Gaming. I co-wrote it (yeah, i’m going to call it that) with Angus Cheng of Baller Industries fame. At the moment i’m working on the script for the jaw droppinglly profound sequel.
I like to think of Get Rich Or Die Gaming 2: Rock Bottom as my magnum opus. When i die, I want it to be my legacy. If i die. The game follows the exploits of Wilson Cooper as he attempts to escape from prison and achieve his lifelong dream of becoming filthy rich.
Here is some of the fantastically well written dialogue from the upcoming game. Also, it is all symbolic.
Wilson Cooper has just escaped from prison, and is now on the streets, attempting to find shelter. Inside a cheap motel:
(W- Wilson, MMM: Musty Motel Manager)
W: Hi, i was wondering if i could get a room.
MMM: (Heavy russion/sketchy accent) Oh Ho! Oh hoho hallo friend!
W: Aww HI there!
MMM: What you looking for my friend? Are you coming here to see the Dirty Queen?
W: What? Umm.
MMM: The dirty queen is very busy today. Many people have come to rip her stockings. We are running out of nylon. Perhaps instead you would like to go rat hunting?
W: What hunting?
MMM: Oh ho! oh ho ho ho! My friend what treat you have now bought in store. This place, it is famous, across entire siberia, for rat hunt. Biggest, juiciest, fastest rats live in all secret places. Top hunter get top prize.
W: Whats the prize?
MMM: It is specially harvested bubonic plague virus. VERY GOOD. Sell for much money on black market. Also you get hat. All girls love hats.
W: I just want a place to sleep.
MMM: OH ho! A new customer. Ok, tonight sleep. But maybe, maybe tomorrow you do more things yes? Maybe tomorrow, you help kill man for me yes? Or maybe, tomorrow you sleep, but you do not dream, maybe tomorrow you sleep like baby in van. What is budget?
W: Oh…well….mister. Here’s the thing. I just got out of prison, and i really want to reintegrate with society, so i don’t have any money yet. But, please, if you let me stay here, i will work, or i can pay you later.
MMM: Ok, your budget is less than 0 yes?
W: I guess.
MMM: Can you pay instead by card? Even stolen card is ok.
W: I haven’t got any card.
MMM: How about Cheque? It bouncing, no problem, this place is how you say, front for human slave trafficking anyway.
W: Hmm i haven’t got a chequebook.
MMM: No problem, since you have no money, no card, no cheque, we still take other currency. You can sell organ, or put down deposit of finger. Normally we ask pinky finger, but you, you I like, you remind me of father that left when i was crawling. For you, one toe.
MMM: Or instead, we take the drugs. Any drugs. CocoButtox, Spism, Jack Daniel’s Dad, Whatever. Or gold, do you have gold?
W: I dont have anything except the clothes on my back and lint in my pocket.
MMM: Let me see this lint.
MMM: This is very bad lint, this is cheap lint. What you think this is huh? You think we in siberia? Get out before i rape you.
Tell all your friends, GROD2: Rock bottom, sequel to:
From the review by OptimumPrime:
It’s not your average adventure game. You don’t grind, and you’re not addicted because of a repetitive forumla. It’s more substance than game and if you have a sense of humour, it’s pretty fucking hilarious.
TILL THEN COUNT THE SECONDS TILL THE RELEASE OF THE GREATEST ADVENTURE GAME SINCE Grim Fandango/Sam and Max/Longest Journey.
And it will probably only be three fucking dollars and i need to make rent.
THREE DOLLARS FOR INFINITE FUN EQUALS INFINITE VALUE.
(Maybe i’ll post a short story later)